Not necessarily what the word entails. Just the word in general. It's such an ugly word for something not meant to be. It reminds me of the word "clog," not the dancing kind, the kind in the sink and nothing good proceeds that word.
A couple nights ago I wrestled with all of this, the BLOG (ugh, don't you hate it now?) that is.
I'm not a terribly private person, obviously. I hope my transparency welcomes others, that's my desire anyway. A mask-less community. I crave conversation below the surface, I feel honored when people share life with me and it's comforting to know everyone else is a mess too.
About four years ago I joined Celebrate Recovery, I was 21. My world had been rocked, circumstances beyond my control left me bitter and I found myself coping with an eating disorder I had stuffed way down, the combination flung me through the doors.
A year of refinement and lots and lots of crying. The transparency there was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Of course I'd had real conversations with friends, but having twelve to fifteen women sit in a circle and drag up the dark?
We unfolded messes together, peeled back onion layers at the same time and then some. My heart feels a certain warmth when I see these women, we really know one another.
I wouldn't trade that year for anything. I learned that being open with what's really going on in my life and being around those that are doing the same leads to freedom.
I've seen countless lives change as a result of Celebrate Recovery, family, friends and those that felt like the former when all was said and done.
In a way it set me up to intentionally pursue relationships with much depth, I love that. Some day I'll return and peel back some more.
The thing is on here, with this kind of transparency I don't have a face nodding in front of me, saying...me too, I hear you, I see where you are coming from.
It's just weird and I'm trying to figure out how I feel about it, processing out loud tonight (or out written?)
I'm okay enough to continue.
For the curious, here is a list of locations offering Celebrate Recovery in NWA.
You should probably do it.
Kels
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