The Things I Shouldn't Care About (minor confessions)

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Colossians 3:2-4

It is easy to live for myself and this world. I only write about the things that strike a chord, so you see a certain side of who I am (although it is genuine, it isn't all of me, I don't think its possible to fully know someone via screen anyways, but that's neither here nor there) you miss out on my superficial thoughts, the daily ones that pass through my mind. 


I just "Webstered" (Webster would not approve of me turning this into a verb) the word superficial to see if that would accurately describe the me I am trying to get at. 

So you can fully understand. 

It's a harsh word, I was hoping it wouldn't, but it did a little bit.


Last week I bought a pair of nude colored shoes, Steve Maddens. Todd and I have personal money each month, mine generally goes to clothes, shoes and nail polish. His goes to books. I am a reader, but ya right like I am going to spend all my monthly money on books. 


I already have three pairs of nude colored shoes, I did not need these. (Sidenote: out of all the colors of shoes why am I still getting this color? I am so weird). 


We went to a wedding last weekend, I have skirts and dresses. Lots of them. But I bought something new, so that the next time a wedding rolls around I can flip through my clothes and think...I have nothing to wear, this  little blue skirt will by thrown in with the rest of the items deemed unworthy for the event. 

So cute, yet so unnecessary. 

I went through a phase in college where I desperately wanted to be "Indie." I remember buying my first pair of skinny jeans and then...nude flats (RIP, you have left your legacy). Clothing and music were the things I thought on most, by this point I was walking with the Lord, but my wake up call began to nap and I became distracted.


The socially acceptable numb. 


Our neighborhood pool opened this weekend. This is one of my favorite things about where we live, all the benefits of having our own pool (it literally is across the street from us) but no maintenance on our part. 


I cleaned our house, did some laundry and headed to Sams to get a second pair of Steve Maddens, they were such a good deal I couldn't let it go, the exact same kind as the first only in gold (y'all I legitimately wish I was kidding, but for the sake of what this entire post is about I couldn't leave it out). 



I swung into Neighborhood Market on my way home to get sunscreen and debated getting a magazine. I haven't bought a magazine in probably over a year, I used to get them all the time but it's a waste of money and makes my brain feel mushy and numb. 


Despite my better judgement I got it  anyway. Halfway through the verse at the top came to mind. Why do I do this? Why do I temporarily choose to fill my mind with things on this earth that will never ever transfer over to the next? And what does it really mean to set my mind on things above?


Because my immediate response to that is to picture clouds and angels. Those are above right? I actually wrestled with it a little bit last week, "Lord if I fix my eyes on things above then I am not living fully where I am now, shouldn't I be content here?" 


But that isn't what this verse is saying. 


I read a commentary  that said it so well...


"The thought of Christ and heaven being above and the sinful things of earth being below is misleading when understood merely in the sense of altitude. "The things above" are rather the things of higher importance, more exalted principles, and spiritual rather than carnal."


There is nothing wrong with buying clothes, make up and shoes. Or reading magazines and listening to certain music. It's when they consume your thoughts that it becomes an issue. It's when our mind travels down the road of obsession, "I need black shoes, I need a new swimsuit, I need that red nail polish, I need that for our living room,  I need that album, I need, I need, I need."


I think we always have to be aware that those things (the earthly things) will never leave us feeling full. We'll be on the constant look out for momentary satisfaction. 


When I think about the things of higher importance, my mind is drawn to the relationships around me. My relationship with Todd, family, friends, employees and my cell group girls. These things will carry over. My nude flats will not. 


When I think about exalted principles. I think about The Gospel, how Jesus lived and how I am now called to live. When I think about the spiritual, I think about the Fruits of the Spirit (and the dumb song that helped me memorize them)  and how these should daily reflect what's inside of me. 

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. 

Personally this is a constant battle, to actually think about those things on a daily basis. 

Because...that girls outfit is so cute and what is the song that's on right now? 

-Kels 

Worry (the dumb kind)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Sometimes I wish I lived in the olden days, really just that I lived on Little House on the Prairie, this is what I picture "olden" days looking like (I know it's probably unrealistic, but stick with me).

You just live in your little wood house, one big happy family, no phone calls to take, no emails to check, no gas bill, no electric bill, no water bill, no car troubles, no thought put into your clothing because everyone looks homely and its okay, you buy everything at ONE store (The General Store, of course) and you don't have a ridiculous schedule, the best part of all. You take it day by day.

See? How wonderful does that sound?

Never-mind the measles, snakebites, cholera, exhaustion and broken legs (all possible threats, I know this because of Oregon Trail).

With my schedule I don't know how not to worry about the next day. I always have something going on that begs my attention. Something to think on, plan out and prepare for, which in turn manifests itself into worry.

I honestly think its harder for us nowadays to not worry about tomorrow because of our rigid schedules, they force us to always be looking ahead.

This is how bad it is, I'll be worrying about something, get distracted and then I'll try to remember what it is I was worrying about so I can get back to it. Did you catch that? I'll actually TRY to remember the worry so I can continue it.

I wish I was kidding! Who does that??

Our dog had his little boy parts removed about a month ago, everything went well and then a couple weeks later something didn't seem right. I obsessed about it for two days, worried, is he infected? What if its spread? He's walking weird...this is definitely not his regular walk. Is he going to die?

I took him to the animal hospital (not even our regular vet) on a Sunday y'all! The busiest Sunday I have probably ever had and yet that one open hour, I picked Hosmer up and we pranced on in only to find out it was just a "little" irritated and if it would make me feel better I could put Neosporin on it.

The night before, Todd said, "Kelsey, I really think you need to relax, I mean what are you going to do when we have kids?"

And, you know what? I have no idea. Because as of right now...I will be the mom who checks on her infant fifteen times a night just to make sure they are still breathing.

I pass children in the grocery store throwing a fit and immediately begin worrying I'll have those kids. How in the world have I already thought about that and we don't even have children?

Jerry (Todd's dad) said he knew he was in for it when he walked into the room and toddler Todd was ripping up James Dobsons, Strong Willed Child.

I wasn't any better.

Odds are we will have those kids.

This has got to stop, I have to learn how to take these absolutely ridiculous worries captive.

Although it does say, do not worry about tomorrow...not do not worry about 4 years from now in Wal-mart.

So maybe I'm not in too bad of shape. ;)

-Kels

I hate the word BLOG (but I love Celebrate Recovery)

Not necessarily what the word entails. Just the word in general. It's such an ugly word for something not meant to be. It reminds me of the word "clog," not the dancing kind, the kind in the sink and nothing good proceeds that word.

A couple nights ago I wrestled with all of this, the BLOG (ugh, don't you hate it now?) that is.

 I'm not a terribly private person, obviously. I hope my transparency welcomes others, that's my desire anyway. A mask-less community. I crave conversation below the surface, I feel honored when people share life with me and it's comforting to know everyone else is a mess too.

About four years ago I joined Celebrate Recovery, I was 21. My world had been rocked, circumstances beyond my control left me bitter and I found myself coping with an eating disorder I had stuffed way down, the combination flung me through the doors.

A year of refinement and lots and lots of crying. The transparency there was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Of course I'd had real conversations with friends, but having twelve to fifteen women sit in a circle and drag up the dark?

We unfolded messes together, peeled back onion layers at the same time and then some. My heart feels a certain warmth when I see these women, we really know one another.

I wouldn't trade that year for anything. I learned that being open with what's really going on in my life and being around those that are doing the same leads to freedom.

I've seen countless lives change as a result of Celebrate Recovery, family, friends and those that felt like the former when all was said and done.

In a way it set me up to intentionally pursue relationships with much depth, I love that. Some day I'll return and peel back some more.

The thing is on here, with this kind of transparency I don't have a face nodding in front of me, saying...me too, I hear you, I see where you are coming from. 


It's just weird and I'm trying to figure out how I feel about it, processing out loud tonight (or out written?)

I'm okay enough to continue.

For the curious, here is a list of locations offering Celebrate Recovery in NWA.

You should probably do it.

Kels