Chapter 1: Waking Up

Until recently, I’ve always stayed out of the political conversation.

I’ll educate myself, and stay silent.

I’m entering a season of figuring out what it looks like to put a voice to my internal processing.

This is my first attempt.

Chapter 1: Waking Up

Jacob is the first friend I can remember.

His mom and my mom were good friends.

I remember pillow fights and running around outside.  

Cool Colorado summer nights.  

(If you’ve never experienced them, they’re a slice of heaven).

I don’t ever remember seeing Jacob as any different than me.

That friendship was a gift and one that I think has shaped me in more ways than I could have imagined it would.

6th grade.

We had just moved to Arkansas, I’m sitting in class and for the first time, hear kids talk about blacks, I learn there is supposed to be a difference and am too insecure and too confused to ask questions.

High School. 
One of my best friends begins dating someone black. 

I remember being so glad, that whatever that was about in 6^th grade had ended.

Everyone had moved on.

College.

I’m a History Major; African American Studies are for the most part the only upper-level courses I take.

I became completely enamored by Black History in the United States.

I cannot consume enough information about it.

From the ports of West Africa to the Civil War and on into the 1950s.

I learn we aren’t out of the woods.

There is not a piece of American History more important to me then the story of the black community.

Partially, because it’s still unfolding and partially because I am wired in and out to desire restoration.

Y’all.

I literally cannot function when something is broken or won’t work.

I’ll obsess about it – be it a broken process at work, a tangled necklace, my computer, a toy of Harpers or a friends life in shambles.

I want things to work.

I want people fixed.

I want restoration like I need oxygen.

And right now, there is a brokenness in our country that has been brought to light.

This division has always been there, so many are just now waking up to it.

And I am both saddened by the ignorance and thankful for the revelation.

A wound won’t heal if you don’t acknowledge that it exists.

It will only continue to worsen.

And I hope that we all feel the weight of taking part in the process of cleaning it out.

Cleaning it out of our homes.

Cleaning it out of our churches.

Cleaning it out of our schools.

Cleaning it out of our communities.

And our nation as a whole.

A president will not fix this. 

The people will. 

This goes so much deeper than the right or the left for me.

Beyond politics

It’s about my relationship with Jesus – who stood by God at formation when He said He created man in His image.

Our value of life tied into that one statement.

The Creator of all speaking Himself into us.

Identifying His creation in His likeness.

“I have called you by name, you are Mine.”

All genders.

All races.

He is not color-blind.

He created color and each shade is a representation of His creativity and His beauty.

Make no mistake, if we have judged another by the color of their skin we have blasphemed the Word of God and denied the right that they are created in His image.

And if you are white, we have to recognize the privilege that currently exists in our country. 

I think we often feel if we claim privilege as whites, that this is degrading.

The problem is not the claim. 

The problem is that this privilege exists in the first place and it's our job to help break it down. 

So that we are truly raising our children in a society where ALL are equal. 

We cannot settle with being silent.

Our generation has a part to play in this story of restoration.

We are at a pivotal point in the narrative of our country. 

And, I don’t think the argument of, "This is not our forever home, it’s hard here but we have so much to look forward to in the next world,” excuses us.

That does well to ease our anxiety.

But the other side of that sword is complacency.

Jesus was anything but that.

Right now, THIS is where we live.

And the testimony and legacy you live on this earth affects the next. 

The Christian Community has raised their voices high for the unborn.

And I’m not saying this voice is wasted or unimportant.

But, I do wonder, have we been so focused on being a voice for them that we’ve lost sight of the voice that’s needed for the born right now?

I think that's for Chapter 2. 

New is a Good Thing

I haven't written in so long, honestly, I haven't really thought much of it either. The past year has felt like an absolute whirlwind. I didn't ever think that I had a hard time with change, big change anyway, but my Myers Briggs and the past few years have said otherwise. So, I guess, I'll embrace it. I like it when the leaves change, I don't really like it when life does, I mean, I like it, I don't want to sound completely rigid, it's just hard.

For the past few months, I've finally let myself grieve -- I didn't realize how hard leaving ministry would be. It's an automatic extended family. I guess I should have thought that walking away from that would ache - it just didn't ever really occur to me, that it would. That season of life for Todd and I was so sweet. I wouldn't have wanted to start off our marriage any other way.

We had the privilege of leading students with one another, going to camps, staying up way too late and eating too much Eureka Pizza - really, I don't think I'll ever eat that pizza again. Harpers first trip was a plane ride out to Colorado - looking back, I was kind of nuts, she was 8 weeks old (and a trooper that week!) - I just couldn't imagine not being there for my girls last camp - and camp with Todd was my favorite.  He was an amazing youth leader - and I ran our churches fair trade shop and then coffee shop - we intersected outside of student ministry on a daily basis.

Since then, Todd and I have both started new careers. He's a teacher at New Tech High School in Rogers and I run operations and account manage at a marketing agency (Smack.co). The change came at the right time for both of us - we'd been praying about it for a while for Todd and then once he transitioned - we started praying the same for me.

We're both exactly where we are supposed to be - I have such a peace about that. It's just new and different and we don't really get to do it together. I realize this is the norm - that most couples don't get to experience what we did. I have a new sense of grace for those who walk out of ministry -- I get it. I also have a new sense of understanding for couples who go their separate ways in the morning and come home that evening spent -- I get that, too.

But, through it all, I know that the Lord would not call us from where we were if it weren't His Will. Harper is flourishing in her new little preschool - and Todd and I are learning how to share in life with one another in a completely new way. Our weekends are sacred - this is one big bonus, something we didn't ever get before. We are loving Saturday Night at Mosaic. We get to sleep in on Sundays -- watch cartoons and stay in our PJs all day, well Todd and I do, Harper only wants to wear her Elsa Halloween costume on the weekends.

These are good things - and pretty soon, it will feel like our normal, not our new normal. We have so much to be thankful for this year. 


Kels

Harper Faye {9-12 months}

Well here we are, you've turned a year old. A little living timeline in our home, it’s kind of crazy, from here on out, years passing will just look a little different.

We love you so much, I can’t imagine life without you sweet Harper. Here’s a little re-cap of the last 4 months.

9 months

·      You started pulling yourself up over Christmas break, so month 9 was spent exploring the tops of coffee tables and couches.

·      This newfound ability means Hosmer is pretty much within reach at all times for you, which you love.

·      You two have “communal” toys, they are the toys we have given up on trying to separate, a mixture of baby & dog toys. Sorry, it’s just so not worth it anymore.

·      We started feeding you food that wasn’t mashed up. You LOVE bananas and strawberries!!

10 months

·      You are sleeping through the night pretty consistently. Huge win!

·      You are crazy attached to your blankie, you have to have it at nap time and bed time. Or. Else.

·      You’re cruising around furniture now, passing yourself off from couch, to coffee table, to chair and then back again.

·      You can throw toys to Hosmer, you are also very aware of the power you hold over him when you have one of his toys. Its pretty funny to watch.

·      You love going on walks!

11-12 months

·      You are starting to take steps now, still pretty wobbly. You walk around the house with your little baby stroller, it’s pretty cute.

·      You give kisses to us and to your baby doll.

·      You can make the “woof woof” sound and “Rawr,” for a lion.

·      When we say, “How big are you?” Your hands shoot up over your head.

·      You know your “piggies,” are your toes.

·      You say “Mama, Dada, Dog, Hi and I think bottle.”

·      You are full on walking about a week before your birthday!!

·      You are a great eater, you love cereal bars, any kind of fruit, veggies, cheerios, sweet potatoes and more. We are just now starting to introduce you to cheese and meats.

·      You laugh when we laugh, just want to be in on the joke. Its pretty adorable.

Whenever I was pregnant with you, we would pray that you would be a joyful person and that when other people were around you that they would sense that and they would become joyful by proximity. That joy would be spread. Harper, that is you completely, I see it everyday, even the grumpiest old man in Wal-Mart can’t help but smile when you start talking to him. It’s increased my faith watching Jesus answer that prayer.

We love you, you’re the best. Happy Birthday!

Mom & Dad