4 and 5 Months

Harper, 

I skipped month 1 and 2, wrote month 3 and am combining months 4 and 5. So goes this season of life. I am holding out on the fact that one day I'll be glad I did this and you'll think it's a sweet keepsake. 

Luckily -- I wrote down what you were up to at the 4 month mark. So glad I did or all your little accomplishments would be meshed together. 

Month 4: 

• You're rolling over! Front to back,  and you're whining less and less during tummy time. The trick is distraction, so sometimes I'll put my phone in front of you and just scroll through pictures. Pretty much all of yourself, but I don't think you know that. 
• You are talking ALL THE TIME!!! When I walk past a mirror you squawk at the reflection. And when I get off work you just chat up a little storm at me, I kind of think you think you're telling me all about your day. Which is pretty adorable. You're gonna be a chatter box. 
• You love toys, they go straight to your mouth of course, but you've mastered being able to hold them there. Good job!! That's some serious coordination. 
• You suck on your paci string too, which kind of grosses me out, but I don't really know how to stop it. And you can't not have the paci string because then you'll drop your paci everywhere. OY. I'll figure out this conundrum one day. 
• You're waking up twice in the night now. Ya!! Your dad goes in and takes care of you at 1 am and then I take the 4 am to 5 am shift. It's going good, so don't ruin it! haha. I'm just kidding. ;)
• You don't really cry about much, you have to be really upset about something in order to lose it now. 
• You just started noticing the TV it's pretty funny, you zone in for a few minutes, but then you get bored and you prefer us instead. 
• You still don't acknowledge Hosmer, come on Harper, he's your brother for petes sake. 
• You light up in the mornings!! Ah, walking in your room is just about the sweetest thing! I sing, "Good morning, good morning, good morning to you!" And you just smile so wide! Melts me every time. 
• You're still sleeping in the swing or the Rock n Play. I need to encourage the crib transition again, but last time was a disaster. So we'll see. 

Month 5

• You started rolling over consecutively, you'll go and go until you either hit something and can't move or we pick you up so you can start over. One night you couldn't sleep and your dad (genius) let you do your rolls down the hall. You passed out soon after. You love it. 
• You giggle!! The sound is precious! You are pretty particular about what you think is funny though, I think you think I'm funnier than your dad, --- I'm not, you'll find that out soon enough though. 
• You love to sit in your bumbo, especially at dinner time when we eat. 
• You've started reaching for things that are in my hands now or in front of us. We avoided a disaster at a restaurant a few weeks ago. You're so quick! I'm gonna have to really up my radar on that sort of stuff now. 
• You go in the nursery on Tuesday mornings while I'm in bible study, this is the first time you've ever gone in one before. You're doing pretty good. You're like me, so social you don't want to miss out -- so you really fight the nap in there. But I'm really proud of you, you've adjusted well. 
• Well you didn't like my sleep joke in month 4, you started waking up 6 to 8 times a night!! Bahhhh! Your dad and I hit a wall. Things really couldn't get any worse so we decided to transition you to your crib during that time. 
• We let you cry it out that week when you would wake up. Hardest. Ever!! But you're doing much better now, you seem well rested too.  I'm thankful for that! And you like your crib! Yay
• Tuesdays are my day off and I've come to really treasure that time with you. I let you take your afternoon nap next to me in our bed. I work on my cell group lesson or something like that and you sleep. It's really sweet, I love having you next to me. I should probably encourage your naps in your crib but you won't be this little forever. 
• You're in the 30th percentile, so thats good! You're moving up in your weight class. 
• You notice Hosmer now and smile so big when you see him, I'll throw his toy and you'll track him back and forth. It's a win win, he loves it and so do you. 

Of course I could go on and on. But that pretty much sums up the past 2 months. We couldn't love you anymore than we already do.  

We chose this verse below for you, something your dad and I talked about before you were born was how badly we want you to trust Jesus, in all seasons. Life isn't very easy and we won't raise you to believe it is either, but I truly believe that if we base our confidence in Him it makes even the most difficult bearable. Trust Him Harper! I'm going to continually speak that over you and it's already challenging me to set the example. 

But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,

    whose confidence is in him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought    and never fails to bear fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Love you, 

Mom 

Harper (3 months and counting)...

Dear Harper Faye, 

The past few months have been impossible and wonderful all rolled into one, you're still alive, so that must mean I am doing something right. Its funny because when you're a little older you'll think I just know what I am doing all of the time. I don't, I have absolutely no idea, I'll learn along with you. Then you'll turn 14 and you'll know more than me. ;) I'll savor the 14 years before that though when I can be the know-it-all. 

You're one adorable baby ya know that? I wish I could have logged how you were at 1 month and at 2 months. But I was in sleep deprived psycho state for the majority of that. I really tried to type one day and about fell asleep. How is it that you sleep most of your life (right now anyway) but I am exhausted half the time? It makes no sense to me. 

So at 3 months, this is what you're all about... 

• You are obsessed with the ceiling fan. Absolutely obsessed. It doesn't matter what room we walk into you are looking for it. We were at Arsagas a few weeks ago, out on their porch and you were in ceiling fan heaven. 
• A wet diaper is the closest thing to the end of the world that you have ever experienced. It's a little silly how dramatic you are about it, but once we change you you're good as new. Hey, no worries, I get in a tizzy about certain things too. 
• You love to snuggle. Keep being like that, I love that you can fall asleep on my chest no matter where we are. 
• When all else fails, its paci time. You love your paci. That's gonna be really fun when we take that away from you one day. 
• You think it's hilarious when we stick out our tongue, it's the first time I ever heard you giggle. 
• Your dad and I make up songs for you all the time. You love them. 
• We prayed you'd be joyful and are you ever! You are just happy happy throughout the day and it's contagious! 
• You love your swing, maybe a little too much. 
• You're very alert and when we're around a lot of people you don't want to sleep. You might miss out so you try your hardest to stay awake. I'm like that too, I hate missing out. 
• You just started kicking and moving your arms all over the place. It's pretty cute.
• And you're cooing all the time. Could your voice be any more precious? NO. 
• Sometimes when you're crying it's because you really just don't want to be held. The minute we put you down you're fine. It's kind of cute how already you like a little space. I get that. Your dad and I recharge the same way. 
• You sat in your bumbo a few days ago! (high five!!!) 
• You just started sucking your thumb. Feeling out which ones best, you switch on and off and sometimes you have them both in your mouth. 

I have loved getting to know you sweet girl. I really just think you're the best thing ever. I am so thankful for you!! You are greatly loved by myself and your dad. We're gonna raise you right, but you might get away with a lot because you're so darn cute. 

Love you little sister, 

Momma 

On Change and Valleys

I can't get Bob Dylan's "The Times They are A-Changin," out of my head. Partly because every other song Todd sings is one of Bob's and also because things are about to change around the Sisson home. A lot.

Everyone who has kids says, "Then there will come a day when you cannot even remember life without them." And truly, that's the weirdest thing to me. Because this life, the one I'm in now is the only one I know.

I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that in 5 weeks (give or take) there will be a little human in the world that carries bits of me and the person I love in her. So imagining what life will be like without her...I can't fathom it.

Pregnancy has been a strange journey, 9 full on months to just think all the time and forget everything simultaneously.

Physically, I've had it relatively easy. Emotionally and hormonally not so much. Everyone is different and there were days where I would have traded in morning sickness times 10 to not feel so sad. Never, ever, sadness over becoming pregnant, I was so joyful about that. But Satan is cheap and likes to take things, so any amount of joy I had was stolen and replaced with it's opposite. I remained in that state for probably 4 months.

I've always been the kick and scream type in trials, beg and plead for it to go away. I like to look back and then process what I learned, but not during, if that makes sense. Paul, says we need to learn to be content regardless of the circumstance (Philippians 4:12), and I truly during this time of trial wanted to do that.

To be okay with the fact that sometimes the word on repeat is endurance not deliverance. I absolutely think we serve a God who desires to deliver us from our troubles but I think sometimes we're called to endure because this is where growth occurs. No matter the source of the pain. 

And isn't that always what we want? Deep down? To grow in our faith?

I lost my voice during all of that. Mulling over those things among others (mama thoughts). Looking back now, especially, I can say it was a mild depression. That feels weird to type out and kind of hard to admit for some reason.

We gloss over the sad way too much. Put our best foots forward especially online. Hair done, clean house, smooth words. When I get annoyed about that, sometimes, I'll remind myself that we live in a broken world and that their life is a mess in some way or another. Is that bad? It's kind of comforting, especially on the days where all you want is for someone else to say "life is really hard," alongside you.

So deliverance came, but not without a seemingly long season of endurance leading up to it.

I've learned a lot about myself in the past 8 months or so. But even more so about Jesus. He loves us too much to let us remain the same and it's those low places where we become pliable enough to bear his image. To be made to look more like Him in the end. 

I recently read a book called, "Tipping our Kings," by Jack Crabtree it was wonderful and the fact that I'm friends with the wife's writer made it all the more enjoyable to read. I would absolutely recommend it to anyone wrestling with doubt or walking alongside someone who is.

Jack said something that really spoke to me...

"It is important to keep in mind that the "fair" thing for God to do would be to not allow any of us to be saved. We are all fallen. We deserve eternal separation from Him--that would be just." 

All too often I think we feel entitled. To the big like Jack mentions but also to the little, because truthfully we deserve a constant valley. This should make the times on the mountaintops that much sweeter, what a gift that we can experience grace like that in this life. 

And this weekends purpose is a celebration of that exact grace. We are so loved. 

Happy Easter. 

-Kelsey